Thursday, May 08, 2008

You've been bamboozled!

I just returned from a prenatal appoinment with my Kaiser midwife.

"Not a stretchmark on you!" she exclaimed. Aaaand recommended I moisturize because that way, I wouldn't get any. Sadly, this is completely untrue.

GIANT EYEROLL.

She told me that I needed to start taking iron tablets because my hemoglobin level was low. Otherwise, she told me, I would be more likely to hemorrage after the birth. When I mentioned that I've changed my diet since having the blood test done to include more red meat and tons and tons of spinach and other assorted leafy greens, she told me that during pregnancy, the body makes more white than red blood cells, so diet didn't really matter.
Can someone please explain to me how taking iron tablets (orally, you know, JUST LIKE FOOD) would be any different from that?
On top of that, I have SEEN the results from that blood test, and they are COMPLETELY NORMAL for pregnancy.

IRON TABLETS? YOU CAN BITE ME!

Next, she told me I needed to "cap off the weight gain" because otherwise, I'd have a really long pushing stage because the baby would be real big.
Mind you, she didn't ask me WHAT I was eating. The only thing that was important was that I stay within the little range of normal on her chart.
I've gained a bit under 30 pounds. I eat a healthy diet, I exercise somewhat regularly, I have no cravings, and I feel great.

THE NORMAL CHART? CAN SUCK IT!!!

Of course, the weight gain/big baby/long pushing stage story came with a "and you don't want to be at home pushing for three hours and people debating if they need to transport you to the hospital."

KAISER? CAN KISS MY (APPARENTLY TOO FAT) BEHIND!

3 comments:

tweetey30 said...

I would have tried home birthing too but we couldnt do it. i ended up having a c-section so we had to go to the hospital.

gracie said...

You should change your midwife!

First, 30 lbs is great for how far along you are. Some women gain 80 by the time their done. That's not healthy, of course but you're on track for a healthy baby and body. Whatever! I gained 40 total and only pushed for 17 minutes. Take that midwife lady. (And, I've already lost it ALL. Thanks to post-labor sickness/recovery.)

Second, there IS no difference between food and pill sources of iron... other than the fact that iron pills make you sick and food generally helps the body absorb vitamins.

Third, Matt suggested I have a home birth. I told him, "I'd love to. As soon as you buy me a home!" :) I didn't want the neighbors on the other side of the wall to call the police about some domestic chaos in apartment 2. I'm glad about my decision. They brought me a chocolate milkshake and narcotics right after I delivered in the hospital. It's like they knew just what I needed. ;)

Christina LMT said...

Whether or not you get stretch marks is purely genetic. What an idiot.
I second your eyeroll...