...children would not be allowed to come to school until they knew when and how to blow their noses and how to turn their heads away from others and properly cover their mouths when they cough.
Instead, the little carrier monkeys come to school and cheerfully announce "Teacher, I sick!" before they sniffle and cough and generally spew germs ALL OVER THE ROOM.
Chip? On my shoulder? No, I enjoy sitting on the couch with a sore throat. Three-day weekend, here I come!