I did, after calling about 27 times and spending 5 minutes on hold, get to talk to a nurse, then make an appointment (for the same day), and see a doctor.
Sure, I got annoyed while calling, and I got lost while driving there, and my doctor is about 80 years old (no joke), but in the end, it wasn't so bad.
You see, the man is old, but he is also very professional, thorough and understanding. And he wrote me what is apparently called a "off-work note" for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
On the way home, I finally found that one elusive store that I had driven around the downtown area (cute but windy-roaded and one-way-streeted where you least expect it) looking for the other day. I purchased a gift for The Husband, and then went home and reveled in the fact that I didn't have to go back to work until Thursday. A pretty good day overall.