Friday, August 11, 2006

advice time

Dear Abbynet,
I have a friend who is getting married in the beginning of September (in about 4 weeks). She has mentioned on the phone that she was planning on inviting me (but that was months ago and her plans may have changed), but I haven't gotten an invite.
There's two possibilites:
1. I'm invited.
2. I'm not invited.
Let's explore.
Seems that she has sent out the invites, seeing how it's only four more weeks until the big day. So:
1. She either sent me one.
2. Or she didn't.
If she sent me one, it may have gotten lost in the mail or some such stuff. This, apparently, happens all the time. One of the cousins didn't come to my graduation party, and we found out months later that they never received their invitation. The question is, if this happened, will she call to find out about my missing RSVP? And when will she do that?
How, dear Abbynet, can I find out whether I'm invited or not without making my friend feel bad if she didn't invite me? And, perhaps more importantly, without making it clear to my friend that if I'm not invited, it will make me sad? And also without turning into the dorky person who tries pathetically to get invited to an event where she is not wanted?
un-invited in California


Elaine said...

How close are you andthe friend? Can you just say, "Hey, I'm making plans for September and need to know if I should set aside the wedding date"? Or if you want it to sound even more OK if she didn't invite you say, "Hey, I've got this thing I really want to do on September _ but know you're getting married then. I'll totally blow it off for the wedding if you'd like to have me there, but if not, I need to make my reservation/buy my ticket/whatever now."

Could totally backfire though and she may think you're trying to get OUT of the wedding.

Don't listen to me, haven't slept in like, four years.

tshsmom said...

That's a TOUGH one! Maybe give her a call to see how things are going. If she mentions the wedding, THEN use Elaine's approach. If she doesn't mention the wedding, you'll know you're not invited.

gracie said...

Dear un-invited in California,

First, I recommend buying her a wedding gift and keeping the receipt.

Then, call one of her close friends and finding out the time and place of the event.

Next, show up to the wedding and if she is surprised to see you there go straight to the gift table and take your gift back for store credit.

That's a little thing I call "satisfaction gaurenteed or your money back"!


Nicole said...

I had constructed my advice before reading comments, and it turns out my approach would be much like Elaine's:

"I was making plans for September and wondered if I should pencil in yoru wedding..."

Wedding guest lists are tricky. I know you'd like to be there, but they may have decided to go family-only or to otherwise limit their invites (cost, potentially). Give some room to wiggle and see how it goes.

Edge said...

I think in this circumstance the ball is in her court. If she didn't invite you it's not your place to question her. It may be an embarrassing situation where she is limited to guests or something and she feels bad she had to cut you. But still it's her call. You may want to leave that date open on your calendar up until a month before the wedding. If you don't receive an invitation be glad you don't have to buy a gift and make the trip as I don't think you will be invited.


Lady Iphigenia said...

I think that if she told you about the wedding, she was planning to invite you, no?

I would do like tshmom, give her a friendly call to see how she is doing and all... The answer to your question might come up by itself!